A couple of weeks in

So, I started my lifestyle change on 01/03/2011 and have been logging my good days and bad days since that day.  I have had great success in that I have lost 13 pounds in 3 weeks.  That is a great start.  However, I know that rate of loss will not last and I am scared of what happens when I plateau for the first time.  I am trying to focus on each day and not look ahead.  But I cannot help thinking about the day I am finally a healthy weight.  The day I finally look like the person I see in the mirror.  When I can finally walk into any store I want and grab something off the rack and it fit.  I just hope that I stay motivated through this long journey and not let the the plateaus and bumps and set backs get me down to where I let myself fail.  I really want to succeed and I really feel like this is my year!!!  I am super excited to see the changes my body will be making.  Just hope that I keep the real reason I am doing this in the fore-front.  For myself first, then my family!!! 

Weekend Ruined

So this weekend started off ok, I had a busy day with the boys, that stated at 7am.  Breakfast on Saturday was the only healthy meal I ended up eating.  After eating relatively healthy and certainly correct portion sizes, I could not get over how icky I felt.  Now the reason for my lack of discipline was that I was not feeling good this weekend, thanks to a sinus infection.  However, I forgot that I am in control, not food!  I let the fact that I did not feel well take over and ate whatever I felt like.  The result was that the scales this morning showed me up 5 pounds from Friday.  Now I logged every ugly thing I ate, and I did not eat 5 pounds worth of food.  So I know that is water weight from the high sodium in the foods I ate.  So, I have to work harder to not let the way I feel over-power my decisions to eat healthy and responsibly.  I know this is a long journey and that I did get the weight I am overnight and I will not lose it overnight either.  What I can do is learn from every pitfall and every set back as well as the little victories.  This is a life-style change and not a "diet" and what's done is done.  Today I stated with a clean plate, and ended the day with over 350 calories remaining in my daily budget and completely satisfied.  I consider that a victory!

The beginning

I am a 36 year old mother of 2 boys, step-mother of 1 girl and wife to 1 man!  Ha!  I have battled with my weight since I was in junior high, but it really got out of control after highschool.  I have done many "diets" with some success but never for very long.  I always resorted back to eating the way I wanted and the weight came back.  When I met my husband I was at 200lbs at age 30.  When we got married, a year and a half later, I was 230.  After having our second child in as many years, I was at 240 at age 33.  I did Nutrisystem for about a year and lost about 40 lbs.  I stayed at 200 for about 6 months, trying to get that last 40 off, but one excuse after another and I gained it all back and then some.  I have maintained my heaviest weight of 265-266 for about a year now.  I have always "carried my weight well" meaning it is evenly distributed so, I am just big all over.  I have not had any problems with my health as a result of my weight, but this past year I have started "feeling" my weight.  By that I mean that my feet hurt all the time, my back hurts a lot and it seems the slighted physical exersion, and I am out of breath and sucking air big time.

In the months that I did Nutrisystem, I learned what portion control meant, how to snack between meals, to keep me feeling satisfied and my metabolism up, and that exercise was key to weight loss as well as healthy living.  For a while I was doing great.  But I am an a emotional eater and I allowed my depression and changes in my job to affect me and I stopped going to the gym, stopped caring about what I was eating and stopped caring period.  Not to the point of suicide or anything like that, just about my weight or health.  At least I did not care enough to get back on track and stay there. 

So New Year's rolled around and I really thought about what I wanted to change in 2011.  My lifestyle, in several aspects, not just weight loss.  I have had an app on my phone for over a year now that I decided to start using this year.  I have taken the simplest approach to this, calories in and calories out.  I am focusing only on today and making sure that my choices today are more healthy than not and tomorrow I will worry about tomorrow.  What I really want for myself is to be here for my kids.  To be the mom that plays with them not watches from the sidelines or couch all the time.  I want to go camping and hiking and running and biking and whatever else it is they want to do.  I want to set a good example for them.  I do not want them to struggle like I have and be limited on what they can do because of their weight.  I want to be a fun energetic active wife and lover to my husband.  Can't do that when I am carrying around an extra 100 pounds.

In an attempt to this lifestyle alteration, I wanted a place to write down what I am feeling, experiencing, and learning as I go.  I have heard about and read about bloggers, and decided this might be what I need.  So this is the beginning.  The beginning of the new me.  It is 01/19/2011 and my current weight is 257lbs.